ego II
On leaps of faith, name brand, and the destructive power of our egos.
When I decided to launch Nightshade Diaries earlier this year, I found myself wrestling with my shifty ego. Ego, to me, feels like a layer of my unconscious mind that presents itself boldly to the outside world while hiding its face from me.
It’s hard to confront sometimes.
Once I settled on the name and got the website ready for publishing, the same thoughts (and questions) kept bubbling to the surface.
Nightshade Diaries will be the third publication I’ve launched in the past 7 years and the second publication I’ve launched in 2024.
Wow, my workload is about to increase by an order of magnitude.
I really should sleep more.
I’m neurotic as fuck.
This will be my first time writing under a pseudonym, and I need to be careful about accidentally revealing my identity.
What if people only support my work because I’m from a small town? Would my work be able to stand with a new audience?
Maybe this pseudonym business feels scary because I’m scared my work won’t resonate with people as quickly without my real name.
Umm, could I attract a new audience while recovering from years of burnout?
Finally, the two publications I launched this year would have to stand on their own. I decided that none of the new websites would be shared on my personal social channels, like Facebook, Threads, or Instagram. They’re not even getting dedicated social media pages.
It’s slow growth, but I like how it feels. With each release, I get even closer to my readers. And I’m satisfied with the way readers interact with my newsletter.
In some ways, it felt like my ego managed to hijack my name and career without me noticing. Nightshade Diaries is a way to reclaim parts of my life that have stayed hidden from my core audience—the people who know my real name.
Sure, my therapist hears about my messy growth every few weeks, but I’d like to share my experiences in ways that help others grow.
For now, we’ll handshake anonymously.
Thank you for reading! And if you forgot, a world of lovely music is waiting to be discovered.
You have amazing projects to share with the world. Get out of your head.
